4 things I wish I knew before I got married.
I intend to make this world a better place than where I've found it through my experiences and mistakes in love & marriage. I've been married for 30 years—10 years with one, 20 years in another. If I had the opportunity to meet my younger self, the contents of this blog would give him the best chance for his first marriage to be his last.
Number one...
Find the "One" You can build a Kingdom with.
This is the key to the whole thing. If you get this right advice steps 2 & 3 will be easier for both of you. "Kingdom" is whatever is important to you. If someone asked me in my twenties "What does your Kingdom woman look like?" I would not have an answer. In your twenties, you don't think about that stuff. I would have told myself to stay single until I could develop a description.
But I am now, seasoned in my years, I know what my kingdom wife looks like.
My Kingdom woman consists of:
A woman who respects me and is honest with me.
Who likes to talk;
Likes adventure;
Who understands the importance of one-on-one time;
We work together to develop ourselves morally and intellectually;
We continue to date;
She keeps herself up physically. (Sorry folks physical attraction is important.)
She understands the importance of intimacy and great sex.
She understands avoiding conflict induces it. She is determined to resolve the matter. Do not allow the sun to go down on thy wrath. And when she talks to me she conducts herself as she is talking to the one that signs her paychecks.
My Kingdom consists of a family we can edify, so when they (the children) grow up they will be a benefit to society and not a menace to it. They can take the values my Kingdom woman and I bestowed on them as the blueprint for their Kingdom spouse and family.
PEOPLE! The individual that you will consider as a candidate for Kingdom building must have the same values or be willing to let you lead to building that Kingdom. If not? Find another. I don't care how good he or she looks, how long you have been dating or living together, or how great the sex is. Find another one.
Number Two.
Your Job in the Marriage is to "Serve."
To the Men: Just because you pay the mortgage, and change the filters in the HVAC does not mean you have done your part! What does serving look like? Keep dating her! Initiate the 7-7-7- method.
Mate date every 7 days.
One getaway every 7 weeks.
One romantic vacation without children every 7 months.
Talking to her is an act of service. Ask her, "How's your day?" "Are you good?" Most importantly, "Are we (relationship) good?" She may not be a talker. Is that a good thing? I don't know. But, you are making sure her needs are met!
Working on your masculinity should be a part of your life. Keep your appearance up. The feminine are attracted to the masculine. There is nothing masculine about man boobs, pot bellies, and cankles. The myth that men are visual creatures is a lie! Women are as visual as we are, we men don't give women much to look at.
To the Women: You are a human being who deserves the same respect as a man who demands respect from you. With that being said I do not know why this paradigm where the woman is supposed to be the helper and submissive doesn't die. New age shit; you are supposed to walk beside him and not behind him. Serving and being submissive are two different things. Making him a plate (with real food) when he gets home is not subservience. To show a "good" man the respect he gives you by controlling your tongue is not being submissive.
Stop focusing on just your hair, and your nails by keeping your physical appearance up. I heard a comedian say "No man is looking at your nails unless you are scratching your breast." Physical attraction is important, it elevates your confidence and lowers the probability of a "good" man from gazing at other women.
Number Three.
Sex is for the woman.
Sex is an act of service. I read that somewhere on a Jewish website on marriage and it changed my life. At that moment, I made it my mission that my wife was satisfied in this department. Men, don't get "cocky". Don't think you know everything there is to know about intimacy and sex. You will always be learning.
Talk to her and study your woman. Know what she likes and dislikes. Your Kingdom woman will be honest, so you can improve or make corrections. I'm going to tell this book that changed my life.
The Tao of Health, Sex & Longevity, gave me a new perspective on my diet to have a better sex life, how we should be looking at sex from a perspective to serve her, making sure "her" needs are met. The author teaches sex techniques that took my sex life to another level. Once again, don't be "cocky". I was shocked to know that 67–74% of women fake orgasms.[1] You could be that guy. Get the book. Read it. Apply it.
Women same thing. Learn to "serve" in this area. If you got your Kingdom man, learn what he likes. And learn what you like! What is going on you been with the same man for 10 years and NEVER had an orgasm? Don't tolerate this! Sex is too beautiful for that.
Number Four.
Have a State of the Union
I got this idea from a blog post interviewing a divorce attorney. Once a month, have a state of the union on your marriage where you talk about finances, financial goals, and anything related to the marriage. In our (wife and I) State of the Union, we talk about money, debt, and financial goals. I would create a PowerPoint presentation with reports. Then we talk about vacations, and, getaways (remember 7-7-7). At the end of the meeting, we talk about expectations of me and expectations of her, if anybody dropped the ball anywhere. Is the sex good? Are we good? Everything is put on the table.
Conclusion
I believe that social media is destroying society. Within the red pill community, you got women empowerment run amuck, feminism, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), Passport Bros. We have women hating men and men hating women and now it's making the dating scene from what I'm seeing on Social Media almost unbearable because men and women on both sides are bringing to the table unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating and relationships.
I hope that I can bring some sense to what has been made complicated regarding men's and women's roles in dating, long-term relationships, and marriage. If you decide to implement some of these steps listed in this post, please share in the comments, I would love to hear about it.
C&R
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